ANU FC CL travelled to the remote outstation of Goldbyrne on Sunday, to play against an assortment of local Inuit and marooned expeditioners. Heavily deflated about missing church, things began to look up for the boys as they arrived to find a massive fucking sheep by the side of the road, welcoming visitors to the town.
The game kicked off in miserable conditions, but a left-footed strike from the edge of the area earned an early goal for sprightly youngster Mo Elkheir, on his first start for CL. This warmed hearts across Goldbyrne, but particularly the lads, who picked up the supple goalscorer, hung him upside down by his ankles, pinched his cheeks and ruffled his hair. From that moment on he was a man.
For the remainder of the half, less clinical finishers than Josh Jordan spurned chance after chance, before clinical finisher Josh Jordan finally took it upon himself to convert a tidy layoff from Chase Deans and extend the lead.
The second half began with Goldbyrne kicking the shit out of the lads and generally getting their tails up. This came to a head when a portly gentleman wearing the number three found himself in disagreement with ANU utility Euan Peterkin (son of Graham, father of Olive), who gracefully disarmed the situation by lol’ing pointedly and lumbering his way off the field and over the horizon.
As Goldbyrne continued to expend their limited physical resources on bastardry, the lads began to turn the screw. Chase Deans rattled the crossbar with an off-target free-kick. The Actual Sam CartersTM decided to put a header wide, before Chase copied him moments later. Finally, as the ball was rattling around the six-yard box, The Actual Sam CartersTM descended from the firmaments and declared that there would be a goal. Then there was a goal, and it was good.
One Million Bottles scored the fourth after a cut back from the right (probably from Rowie). Then it was finished, and Jim sprayed the boys for not scoring ten.