Play for ANU, they said. Travel to suburbs you've never even heard of, they said. Play football on a pitch without lines, they said. And lo, fourteen men found themselves in Waramanga, playing for ANU's brave sexies on an unmarked pitch. Our opponents were unbeaten Weston Molongo, famous for playing route one hoof-ball of the most desperate sort. And hoof they did. Elon Musk spent billions sending a car into space, but he can eat shit because Weston Molongo launch stuff into orbit for nothing. The sexies' midfield found it hard to establish their crisp passing style, instead developing sore necks from watching the ball endlessly fly over them. Most of the game was spent waiting in the cold for the ball to fall to earth, and when it did we were treated to a referee whose interpretation of the rules was as loose as his waistband wasn't.
The sexies conceded first, from a long ball as unsurprising as Gus Polhill attempting a first-time shot from 40 yards, but were soon on level terms. Ryan Lovie poked home to make amends for a missed sitter earlier in the match, but the excitement was sadly too much for his knee, which exploded soon afterwards to leave him hobbling off. 1-1 at half-time.