SCUM 2018 - SL6 Round 4 Match Report

A tale of mullets, Wildings and Tim Tams

The ANU State League 6s travelled to Bonner to face their wildling opponents. Gundaroo is a desolate country town full of cowboys, degenerates and hooligans. The Gundaroo football team was a team of young lads and players well past their prime. Gundaroo took the lead early in the first half when a Gundrivian portly and aging Toni Kroos scored a ridiculous goal from a tight angle. ANU responded with two beautiful long-range goals scored by captain, coach and team cheerleader Gustavo ’ladies’ man’ Polhill, who was sporting a beautiful moustache and mullet. The game roared on at a snail’s pace as the ANU 6s scored their third goal thanks to local Canberra DJ Tim Tams. The score was 3-1 at half time, the ANU 6s over the Gundrivian wildlings.

Many of the players on the ANU 6s side were tired at the half time interval so resident team doctor Socceroo’s goal keeper Matt Ryan prescribed beers at half time for the thirsty players. The half time refreshments worked like giving spinach to Pop Eye as the ANU 6s scored two more goals shortly after half time against a weaker goal keeper.

The Gundrivian goal keeper

a man who can only be described as a mixture between Lord Voldemort and a shrivelled prune, decided to do an impression of the Brazilian striker Fred. The goalkeeper/striker ran up front for a short period of time before yelling ‘’that will do me for the year lads’’ and he decided to return to his position of goal keeper.

The game ended in a 5-1 victory for the ANU side over Gundaroo. The ANU 6s were happy to return home to the safety of the inner North as they feared they may be invited to the Gundaroo pub by the opposition. Many a soul had been lost in the Gundaroo pub. Special mentions go to Rhino for not playing the game of push, to Nige for being as graceful as a gazelle at leftback and to Gustavo ‘ladies’ man’ Polhill for rocking such a beautiful mullet and moustache.

SPONSOR: Capital Clinic Physiotherapy
Matt and the team at Capital Clinic Physiotherapy - City West, are the official physiotherapists to the ANUFC. 
They can assist with all injury diagnosis, treatment and rehabilitation in their city offices, right near ANU.
Find out more about their services here