SCUM 2018 - SL6 Round 3 Match Report

ANU State League 'Sexies' vs Burns FC

Round 3 saw the Sexies hosting Burns FC, fresh off a Catenaccio masterclass against Narrabundah.

The match began with coach "Take a touch" Polhill rallying the troops together to give his now infamous pre-game pep talk: "Gents, I hope we win because these guys are a bunch of pricks". 

By half time, we understood exactly what coach Polhill was talking about. Burns FC's best trait was their trash talk, which had a few of our lads miffed. The first half was an even contest, with both sides having good periods of possession. Towards the end of the half, the Burns boys lobbed a high loopy ball into the box, the kryptonite of our defence. After an ugly scrap, we found ourselves picking the ball out of the back of the net.

HT: ANU 0 - Burns FC 1

Not to worry, coach Polhill had a plan

"If we play like pricks, we should be able to beat these guys". Tim took on this advice and came out swinging, going on a mesmerising run past four defenders before being unceremoniously taken out by the center back. PENALTY!! Tim wanted to take the resultant spot kick, but we all knew that his penalties were as limp as a Frenchman's handshake, so Matt stepped up to shoulder the responsibility. Matt was as cool as Fast Eddie Felson hustling a teenager, easily stroking the ball into the back of the net. Somebody buy that man a carton of Stanley Dolce Rosso!

The half time plan was working and ANU had taken control of the game. However, Burns FC's bigmouth striker continued with the trash talk, so Ali decided he would accept the responsibility of quietening him up. The result was a slide tackle that Gennaro Gatusso would have been proud of, a moment as beautiful as The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa. The striker was mercilessly taken down from behind, the only sour note being that the operation was conducted inside the box. PENALTY!! GK Dan the man is more famous for taking penalties than saving them, and this was no exception. 

FT: ANU 1 - Burns FC 2

A special thanks to Diego, who although had a shocker, made up for it by treating the boys to a carton of premiums.